Nearly two decades ago, a young woman paced her livingroom in darkness; fists clenched so tightly the palms of her hands had begun to bleed. Fear, worry, depression, anxiety were foremost on her mind as she paced quickly from one side of the room to the other during the midnight hour. She felt alone and lonely.
A scenario kept playing through her mind in which her husband would come home, find her in this state, commit her to an institution and take away her children. She felt there was nothing left to do but take ALL of the antidepressants the doctor had prescribed the day before. She would then be cured of the pain and frustration of this life. Some might think that, at not yet forty years old, it was a life ended too soon, but who actually would miss her?
Oh, how the enemy can attack our minds and confuse us; so easily convincing us we have no worth. We are useless forms walking the earth.
GOD however sees the BIG picture. He knows the plans He has for us. He formed us and knit us in our mothers’ wombs. In Him and through Him we have our being. He is the light in our dark, bleak world. Everything that happens to us filters first through His hands. When we ALLOW Him to do so, He can be our Strength, our Shield, our Courage; a Refuge in the storms of life. He is our ONLY Salvation.
John 15:16a says “You (Pat) did not choose me. I chose you(Pat) and gave you (Pat) this work to go and produce fruit, fruit that will last.
GOD CHOSE US! EACH ONE OF US! He doesn’t pressure us to take Him into our hearts. He doesn’t force Himself upon us. He did not make us robots to perform at His command. He accepts us just as we are, where we are, with what we have. It’s after He accepts OUR invitation to be our Light and Salvation, that He begins to mold and shape us, as far as we will allow, into His will.
The young woman I was telling you about. She thought God had left her years before. She had made some wrong choices in life and didn’t think God could love her until she cleaned herself up. And, she was trying. She had started attending church regularly and taking the children. She was basically a very kind, good and loving person. That had done her no good. God wasn’t taking away the depression and anxiety. He hadn’t delivered her husband or other family members from alcoholism. God had not taken care of the financial strain. In fact, she didn’t think He’d done much for her at all since she had started attending church again.
Feeling more hopeless and helpless than she had ever felt, she flipped on the light and illuminateded the room. The brightness nearly overwhelmed her since she had been sitting in the dark for several hours. She retrieved her Bible and “blew the dust” off the cover, then began searching for passages on peace.
Making her way through several passages, she soon rested on John 14:27: “My peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid.” Over and over her lips formed the words, then became a whisper. Her voice rose louder and louder until she was shouting: MY PEACE I LEAVE WITH YOU, MY PEACE I GIVE TO YOU. NOT AS THE WORLD GIVES GIVE I UNTO YOU. LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED NOR LET IT BE AFRAID!
She laughed, she cried tears of joy as she felt her Heavenly Father’s loving arms embracing her. She sensed His whisper, “Now, My child, you understand. You are precious to ME. You have GREAT worth. You have love in your heart and a story to share! You have children to raise, a whole life to live. I CHOSE you.
PEACE….peace like she’d never encountered before consumed her.
Since that night when she took Jesus off the shelf and dusted Him off, she has carried Him in her heart. The depression has disappeared, the anxiety is controlled, the children are grown and have families of their own.
God has not promised that there will never be any storms in her life. But He has promised that He will be there for her, carrying her if needed. AND, as a servant of the living Christ, she is happy to be alive and thanks you for letting her share her story with you.
What have you allowed Jesus to do for you lately? He’s patiently awaiting an invitation.
I read this a few times yesterday. I read it several more times today. This is where you shine, Sister. It’s beautifully done. It’s perfect. More, please.